Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
