walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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