also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
