I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
