why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have grass duct taped all over my body
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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