3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We just shotgunned beers for America
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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