she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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