i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
