I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
