Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just want to make out with him forever
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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