Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
