The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
