i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize