I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
