Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
