the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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