I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
