Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.

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  (850): Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos. http://tfl.nu/15bf
  Replies (74) Good night (17461) Bad night (1329)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.

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  (913): Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns. http://tfl.nu/zzio
  Replies (33) Good night (1105) Bad night (3174) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.

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  (816): He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine. http://tfl.nu/bj2r
  Replies (103) Good night (620) Bad night (8771) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.

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  (704): Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten. http://tfl.nu/097z
  Replies (35) Good night (429) Bad night (4724)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.

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  (732): I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it. http://tfl.nu/c1o6
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dangr zzzzzzzzone

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  (610): Dangr zzzzzzzzone http://tfl.nu/qvjb
  Replies (8) Good night (1897) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?

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  (203): Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high? http://tfl.nu/olxn
  Replies (8) Good night (686) Bad night (2147) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.

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  (516): I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears. http://tfl.nu/nh7v
  Replies (15) Good night (3600) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.

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  (812): An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw. http://tfl.nu/0rhv
  Replies (2) Good night (925) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.

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  (708): Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea. http://tfl.nu/kw7e
  Replies (5) Good night (354) Bad night (1288) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.

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  (402): He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians. http://tfl.nu/6owi
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  (546): View more from

  As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.

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  (546): As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever. http://tfl.nu/al3c
  Replies (3) Good night (301) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise

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  (814): i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise http://tfl.nu/29uw
  Replies (8) Good night (812) Bad night (288) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?

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  (505): So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink? http://tfl.nu/kn1e
  Replies (15) Good night (766) Bad night (276) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.

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  (816): Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard. http://tfl.nu/x9vd
  Replies (1) Good night (399) Bad night (151) Order T-Shirt

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