I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
