Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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