gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
