I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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