Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Fuck appropriateness.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
