At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
