You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
