We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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