I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize