i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
