I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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