Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
