You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
