i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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