Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is Oprah even human
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