i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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