First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
