I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
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