So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You're so nebulous sometimes
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
