Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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