she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
