wakey wakey hands off snakey
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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