If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
