3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
