I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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