Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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