If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
