why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
