I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
