She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
