I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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