i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
