My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
try to milk me bitch
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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