Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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