return my video game
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize