I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
