was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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