She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
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thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize