ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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