Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
