I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
