i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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