Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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