Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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