you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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