the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
