I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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