You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
