I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
