We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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