I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I can't put those talents on a resume
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
