The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
