i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
