You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
