I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
